Den mother

One of the nice things about having come here oh so long ago (17 years!) as a study abroad student is that I now have quite a lot of Senegal experience under my belt. On the down side, there are things that are funny, unusual, baffling, amazing, and even repulsive that I fail to notice anymore. Good thing hubby is along so that I can remember that sense of wonder about getting to know a new place. (Oh my God, is that man really peeing in the median!? Are people really climbing over barriers to stroll across this superhighway!? Is that boy really giving his ram a bath at the beach?!)

The current crop of college students, some of whom are K girls as I once was, are also a great source of entertainment and access into that initial experience of American friction with a new and totally different cultural setting. So far we have hosted two brunches and a few dinners for the college kids. These meals have been an occasion for them to vent, for me to offer advice (no, it really isn't okay for the kids in the house to be entering your room and rifling through your things), and to provide them with more in-depth cultural translation than they are getting from their program directors.

Unfortunately there are many cultural dilemmas that have no resolution. A huge part of living in a different culture is just learning to ignore or accept things that you really don't understand or like. On the other hand, Americans are often overly concerned with being nice and friendly, and therefore end up tolerating lots of unwanted attention that Senegalese (particularly Senegalese women) would never put up with.

For the younger "sister" who isn't giving you respect--make her do your laundry. In Senegal you have full right to boss around anyone younger than you in the family, so you can put her in her place by starting to impose the sibling hierarchy on her.

For the five-year old terror who harasses you when no one is looking--threaten physical violence until he becomes afraid of you, and don't be afraid to rat him out to the family disciplinarian if he keeps it up.

For the male "friend" who keeps trying to put the moves on you--sorry, there really is NO concept of platonic friendship here, so you either have to become his girlfriend or call things off.

There are other problems that are much more difficult to resolve. That crappy lecturer from the university who they hired to teach your Islam class? Sorry, guess you just have to put up with that. Your host mother and sister spend all day watching the TV and aren't interested in anything else? That is par for the course, so join in, read a book, or find other excuses not to spend all your time in front of the boob tube.

It is difficult to realize how much internalized knowledge you have until you are faced with questions and queries that allow you to reflect on things that have long since become intuitive. It took a decade or more to acquire all of this cultural expertise, and most of it I learned the hard way, just as they are. Thanks to all the college kids for seeking my counsel and for making me realize that while some frustrations with Senegal will never be resolved, I know a damn lot about this place.